Causing a scene

I just got back home and before unpacking anything got a message saying that I have to work the following day and today was that day.  After being out of the loop of the restaurant some things have changed such as a server suddenly being trained to be a sushi chef, a hostess being pregnant and a whole schmuck of other things.  To top that off I was jet lagged like no other and had a stuffed nose and can barely breathe.  I was a man destined for failure today yet I somehow found it comforting to be back in the interior walls of my restaurant, it felt warm, it felt nice, it felt like home.

Barely able to operate I march to my table, with the intent to serve, so vicious that it’ll drop them dead and sure enough I nailed that first table.  I got a 50% tip as a starting point, I mean sure $15 on a $30 isn’t much but the fact that it was my first table made it all the sweeter.  The day progresses and we found ourselves in the middle of dinner service.  Restaurant packed with people and everyone speaking in a tone of liquor and raw fish, it was almost intoxicating even to the servers.  Everyone was so happy and out of the seven tables I was juggling around, four of them we’re my regulars, this night is one of the nights all servers wish to get.  Money is going great, my sales hitting a peak and the only problem I have is one table that is still waiting on their food.  This is where the night takes a turn.

A British man with his wife we’re waiting on an entree.  The woman’s meal had already been taken to her and so did some side dishes for the mans meal.  As I was grabbing the woman’s meal, I saw what I assumed was my dish being almost done.  I rush the meal to the woman and for what it seemed, all was fine.  Fifteen minutes later the meal still wasn’t ready so I apologize to the man and immediately find my way in the kitchen to grab the mans food.  The manager following me with the other things that came with his meal, we act with haste only to be halted by the man saying, “I do not want this, take it back”, “This is the worst experience I’ve ever had” and among other things causing quite a commotion over something so menial, all while his wife finishes off her meal(I know, how classy).  Now don’t get me wrong, I know that 15 minutes is quite some time but I don’t think he took care of the situation gracefully.  Had he not been a jackass he would’ve got taken care of like a king but instead he decides to be a child and actually raise his voice in a dining room full of people.

There are better ways of taking care of a situation like this, and let me tell you, it isn’t to be a fuckin asshole.  I ended up giving them all they had for free, just so I could get them to leave quietly.  No tip, no nothing, just a table that needs to be cleaned and a attitude of bitterness and resentment.  If you ever get in a position like this, please have some decency to act like a human, chances are you’d get free food, alcohol and we both don’t end up hating each other.  Nothing is gained by causing a scene, only loss of respect.

Please take my word on this.  Give us the respect you’d give your wife, mother or loved one and we promise that your stay with us will be as good.

Sincerely,

Your waiter today.

(Though the man reminded me so much of Gordon Ramsay, because he was British and had nothing good to say about my restaurant…)

 

Why not sit at the bar?

A question that I really don’t ask often, why not sit at the bar?  I don’t want my customers to sit at the bar because that just means money I’m losing to the person I’m even giving my money to the end of the day.  But there comes an occasional jerk who decides to occupy my precious real-estate and get nothing to eat, no appetizers, no sushi, no sashimi, nothing else other than a simple happy hour draft beer that costs $4.  WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOULD YOU NOT SIT AT THE BAR?  I got a table of two who ordered 2 glasses of Kirin Ichiban on draft, the small size to add on; they we’re given me as their server because they had wanted to sit at a table.  Sure, why not they’ll probably order when their drinks are done, or so I thought.  Roughly half an hour passes by and they are almost done with their beer, I thought to myself “perfect, now they’re gonna order” and when I approached their table “no thanks, we’re still OK.”  What the hell does that even mean?  Why did you not just sit at the bar, the place we’re people generally go to sit down and chat.  Tables/Booths are not meant for your casual drinking, go to a pub for that.  Servers rely on tables to make a living and when one of our tables gets blocked off it makes us mad.  And god forbid you ever come back, we will remember you and we will treat you the same way you treated us, like garbage.

Their total came to about $9 and they decided to be generous and tip me $1.  Take that dollar and shove it up your ass.  I do wonder, there are pubs built and hell my restaurant even has a full bar so what compelled you to sit at a table?  Maybe I just don’t think like a jerk and can’t come up with an answer but one thing I do know, I know better than to disregard and disrespect my server.  I hope you do treat your server with the utmost respect aswell dear reader.

Sincerely,

Your waiter today.

People with no sense of decency.

On a calm Friday night, all the servers we’re told the specials and the bottles we need to push, everything went as planned and though slow it started picking up at around 6:30.  A two top was sat and I was their server for today.  They ordered two drinks, though happy hour that is generally a good sign; customers that are willing to spend money.  Wrong.

They didn’t order much and their ticket totaled to about $30, meh whatever I thought and went on my way.  I gave great service alongside great food, what the hell could happen that would just mess me up, well for starters they weren’t planning on leaving me a tip before they even came in the restaurant, second my service was rubbish, third the food was shit.  I’m promising you now that the it wasn’t the latter two, so what and why would people not leave a gratuity for people who serve them?  Is it because they have never worked in the service industry and know what it feels to not make any money?  Yes, that is actually why.

A server would always tip at the very minimum 18% regardless of how you did, why you ask?  Because we know how hard the hustle is for money.  People do not know the tipping norms and this baffles me because gratuity has been a part of American culture since the 1920′s.  Now enough of that history lesson, so the bitches shafted me as I said, they left me nothing, nada, zero.  They knew full well what they we’re doing too and that’s the worse part.  One of the customers decided to pay for it, even gesturing the “don’t you worry, I’ll pay for it” so I immediately assumed that she was generous, ha bullshit.  She needed the money more than I did, so why the hell would she do that.  Pride?  Take that pride and shove it up your ass.

I’m too irritated to deal with anything right now so I apologize, being shafted completely happens occasionally and when it does you can’t feel anything other than rage.  Imagine your boss being nice to you only for you to find out that you didn’t get your direct deposit, in that kind of sense.

At least I have this trusty bottle of Jack to help.

Sincerely,

Your waiter today.

Extremist

Now what I thought would be an easy Wednesday was actually quite easy.  I was in the restaurant for a total of 3.5 hours, my shift starts at 4 and typically ends at 10, though it wasn’t busy at all and I was asked if I wanted to be cut, so I thought to myself, “hey, why the fuck not”.

As I’ve said before the restaurant eats together, meaning that the food is ready once the kitchen finds the time to make it.  Food was served at about 8:45 meaning I had nothing to do until then, so I sat at the bar and talked with my host and my bartender.

A man who had the haircut of a US Marine sits at the bar, orders a Sam Adam Winter Lagger and looks over to me and my host, he engages us in conversation.  This is normal for a bar setting, people even talk across the bar so this was no surprise to both of us but usually the conversations last no longer than a couple of pleasantries.  It got to the point of us talking about his occupation and he went on a talk about how he grew up in a generic trailer thrash home where it was normal to rely on welfare and no one was smart enough to leave that condition, though obviously he did.  He asked my host and I about what ourselves and off-course I’m not gonna spew out to a random stranger what I do and I gave him a generic bullshit answer.  Now he says that he’s been through it all, heartbreaks and seeing a friend of his die in his own hands in war, this man seems to have done plenty.  He did not fail to mention his service in the US Military, as the haircut he had was as true as I thought, he was a jarhead for 9 years and this showed in his physique and the look in his face.

This is where things get heated, my bartender is from Germany, grew up there but finished school here so you can say his family was financially secure, though the Marine seemed to have a less than average family.  My bartender is quite liberal and the Marine admittedly said his political affiliation, he was as republican as Rick Perry is dumb.  Now you can just imagine the spectrum of difference here, completely polar opposites.  His meal comes out and he proceeds to eat whilst having a conversation to the bartender about how lazy generations are getting and they are not getting anywhere in life and only expect hand outs from the Democrats.  Now my bartender is a fairly passive guy but this extremist was not giving him any opening to talk and voice his opinion, everytime he would try to talk this man would voice his in a louder manner while making faces of sarcasm.  Unbelievable.

Now I left and as I was riding past the restaurant, I see the man is still there.  Now I don’t know what the fuck was happening but I was fairly certain that my bartender was getting annoyed.  I feel bad for him, I just hope that it doesn’t affect his tips.

Sincerely,

Your waiter today.

Being shafted

Now I’ve had my fair share of being fucked up the ass(not literally) and it is not fun.  Today I had a table of what I can see are Christians, they we’re holding a book that a friend of mine had read a couple years back.  Now I’ve had some bad encounters with devout Christians solely because they don’t understand the concept of leaving gratuity, now I don’t blame them completely because not many people know the process of gratuity, it’s a long and complex process if you think about it.  Multiple factors affect what you write on that bill and it changes from time to time and is rarely uniform.  Needless to say I wasn’t expecting anything from those Christians yet I still managed to get $8 out of their $82 bill, I guess that’s better than normal.

I considered myself shafted at that point and I was somewhat upset but didn’t pay much mind to it, but when I found out that the head waitress got shafted COMPLETELY, I was stunned.  She had gotten a table of old Caucasian ladies and these types of people generally tip well because they understand such norms.  They proved to be a hassle of a table, constantly taking up her time and asking “common sense” questions, but now it seems that common sense isn’t so common.  They took up so much of her time that her other tables we’re giving her terrifying stares, beings which we’re hungry for attention.  Now they order about $100 worth of food and glasses of wine, great you would atleast expect a $18 tip right?  Wrong.  They had fucked the head waitress in the ass and spit at her too, they paid with almost just enough, they had change of about .50cents and even asked for that back.  Now I’m thinking oh fine, their gonna tip her actual bills.  Wrong, these hags tipped her NOTHING, they took her time and affected her other tables and thus affecting her income.  Fuck these hags.

This is not the 1900′s we’re waiters actually make a decent hourly wage and refuse to accept tips.  Tips are the only way servers make money and if you take that away, you might aswell spit in my hand.  To people who do this, who leave no tip for anything, go fuck yourself.  Nothing infuriates me more than this and I hope I show some logic.  Wake-up and smell the godamn roses, if you can’t afford to tip then you sure as hell can’t afford to eat out.  Stay at your house or order some Chinese food.

Now if you are one of those people who actually tip even though you know you don’t have much money, never fret as your servers will see that.  We will treat you much differently, you are the reason we still wait tables, you give us hope that not everyone in this world is a cock-sucking bitch.

Sincerely,

Your waiter today.

Closing time

When we sell Alcohol at the restaurant there is a limit that we generally put, a red light to see when someone would be out of commission for more drinks but occasionally one slips because you wouldn’t think a glass of Riesling and Chopan up would get her drunk.  A couple that has been to the restaurant walks in at about 9:45PM and gets sat with me, both of them looking as if they just got off a broadway show and ready to spend more money.  After 2 orders of sashimi, a specialty roll, 2 drinks from the bar and about 30 minutes and the woman is obviously drunk.

I walk over and they start talking to me about where I am from, their life story, their daughters life story and all other things.  I didn’t mind since most of them we’re interesting and this kept me active for about 5 minutes.  But when you start taking my time for a solid 15 minutes because you wouldn’t let me go and would continue on cutting off your husband for the sake of me hearing you. now that is just wrong.

These kind of people are generally a hit or miss because they spend plenty of money but eat up your time, so you would need to cut them off and find a way to not seem like a jackass but still play with them so they would think that you are not being “above” them.  These people have grown accustomed to snorting cocaine off the most crisp hundred dollar bills and if you want to see one of those hundred dollar bills ending up in your pocket, you better show some decency and atleast seem interested.

Next time I intend on talking to you but on a limited time, also if the restaurant is near closing it would be nice if you ask how much longer are you open.  If we are closing in 30 minutes, maybe come back tomorrow night.

Sincerely,

Your waiter today.

You are not our mother.

The restaurant staff is like a family, you spend as much time or maybe even more time with them than you do your real family, often times you can’t stand them just like you can’t your real family and relationships are built in the staff. Example is, Adan and I have become pretty good friends, this isn’t because we both think similarly about multiple things but rather we think differently, almost polar opposites actually and this made us be able to compliment each other. Whereas Lindsay is a gigantic bitch who is obviously blind to the fact that no one likes her, clashes with just about everyone else in the restaurant. The restaurant staff is just like family, you eat together, shop together and run from trouble together. That is really all there is to it.

So you can imagine relationships being severed and hurt because of unfair treatment. Lindsay is the biggest living, breathing and walking example of this. All the waitstaff decided to go to Walmart and buy costumes for Halloween because we’ll be able to dress up on Sunday, our boss had given us money to spend towards anything Halloween related and what better place to buy shit we need other than Corporate cruelty itself. $100 was given to us to buy Candy for anyone who walks by, Costumes for some of the staff that didn’t have one already and for whatever else.

So getting to the point of costumes, Lindsay was very hesitant about it and didn’t even wanna take any part in it. Everyone else was fairly excited about it and was actually looking forward to it, but leave it to big bitch to ruin everyones fun. But for some reason, by the end of the night she was more excited about it than all of the staff combined. I fuckin hate her so much.

Back to Walmart, Adan decided to dress up as a pirate, we saw a pirate toy gun, one of those flint guns and we decided to put it in the cart. Lindsay stops Adan and tells him that we’re not there to buy “stupid shit” as she looks at fake eye lashes and wings for her “Devil Bitch” costume. She tells and voices her opinion in a tone of a mother telling a child that he can’t have that toy. Adan being tired of her treating everyone like shit decided to say that he’s not a fuckin kid and that she isn’t his mother, she immediately apologizes and says that she wasn’t trying to talk down to him(godamn I hate her lying ass so much…) she decides to shut up about it and just leave it in the cart. 20-30 minutes pass by and the cart now has 2 fairy wings, a costume, devil horns, tail and pitch fork and a whole other unnecessary shit(majority of which belonged to Lindsay). We go to the check out isle and the total rang up to over $100, it came to about $120 and she suddenly turns to us and tells us to pitch in because it was short. What Adan and I bought totaled to no more than $7 yet we gave her a total of $10. Fuckin bitch made us pay for her shit. She then has the audacity to say, “Thanks Lindsay for pitching in $20 because what the boss gave us was short” as if talking to herself, we decided to just not voice out and to just grab our bag and leave.

We head over to my apartment to talk and drink a bottle or two, though what we ended up doing was killing a moving box, we threw throwing knives at it, shot bows at it, and stabbed it numerous times. It was very refreshing.

Next time Lindsay, I suggest you not open your mouth because alot of people cannot tolerate your ignorance and stupidity. If it happens again we might just use you as a box.

Sincerely,

Your waiter today.

Kind hearted people

Yesterday I wrote about the table who was meaning no fruit and had no intention of leaving any gratuity before they had even set foot in their car but today, I was given the opportunity to see a couple give what money they can even though they are in a strict financial bind. I’ll start off by saying that I know this couple, they are falling in hard times and actually don’t have the luxury to spend loads of money and they make do of what they can. This couple owns a small store, one who sells alcohol, condoms, food and all that jazz; a gas station store without the gas is a better way of putting it. They have fallen hard and cannot keep up with the balance that the store gives them so they are even reaching the point of liquidating their merchandise, they have established a name in that neighborhood and for what it seemed, everyone that came in that store came out with a smile in their face and when they heard the news that this couples store is gonna close, a look of dread and sadness crept into their faces. It is truly a sad thing.

I came in their store and got myself a couple things, they we’re as happy as ever; even the sad news of them closing shows no sign of sadness. I talked with them and found out that they we’re just having a terrible time and haven’t had the chance to go out. I told them to come by the restaurant and I’ll hook them up. Sure enough, by the time 8:30PM hits, I see them in my restaurant. They we’re seated and we chat for awhile and they placed their order, they wanted a Boat and in Sushi terms that means a roll, some sashimi, some sushi and it comes in a boat. They wanted a bottle of the House Sake and a Cocktail, I ring them up for the Cocktail and fetch them the Sake. I tell them the Sake is on me since I told them I’d be taking care of them. The boat comes out and it is presented in a beautiful manner, the fish acting as pastel colors in a canvas, it looked magnificent. I had told the Sushi Chefs that these people we’re very good friends and people and asked them to make the presentation a tad nicer than usual, and that they did. The couple was astounded by how it looked and I was too, they eat, finish and I even get them a desert.

After all that is done, the bill is ready and I chat with them some more and place the folder towards the mans side, I acted as if I had to leave to do something and walked away. I went back to the couple and they hand me the bill, their total came up to about $95 and the tip they had left me was $23. This couple didn’t need to tip me that much, I understood if they left me $10 but they found the need to tip a decent amount. These are the kind of people I wish I got, people who are truly kind hearted. As they leave I tell them that I’ll be seeing them in their store for my last energy drink, they laugh and left the restaurant.

Now if you grew a heart, we will sense it and immediately come to liking you. No bullshit attached, I hope that couple pulls a miracle out of their ass because the whole neighborhood is rooting for them as do I. You too, dear reader, root for them. You don’t need to know where they live or who they are, just know that people like them are the reason we CAN have nice things and without them the world would be as dark as my work clothes.

Sincerely,

Your waiter today.

You are not as knowledgeable as you think

Today is the first time I’ve met a complete idiot at a restaurant. I was trying to hold on saying what kind of restaurant I’m currently a server in but it seems as there is no way for me to hold it in, I work at a Japanese Sushi Bar and the reason I’m letting you know now is because one of my customers almost drove me insane.

A couple walks in the restaurant, well dressed and for what it seemed they had money to spend. I walk over to their table and introduce myself, I take their drink orders and they wanted a Michelob Ultra and a Dos Equis. I walk over to my POS and ring them up, my bartender grabs it for me and I get them their drink. The man seemed to have an idea what he wanted while the woman had enough questions to replace the LSAT exam. Questions flowed like a downhill stream of water, “so what is the nigiri and the sashimi? why is it different prices?”, “does the sashimi come with rice?”, “will the nigiri be enough for me?” and so on, this lady would not stop. I explained to her the difference between Nigiri and Sashimi, Nigiri has rice at the bottom and is a slightly smaller cut than the sashimi, the Sashimi is fish only and it is thicker cuts. In our restaurant we have Nigiri that is two pieces per order and the Sashimi which is five pieces an order, so that should have answered her question of “is it enough for me” and I understand some people have alot of clarifying questions but when I answer your question seven times and you still ask me, I swear I will grab the nearest Toro and smack you across the face. All is said and done, the man orders a specialty roll and an entree, the woman decides to order a Peppered Tuna Sashimi. I bring out their Sushi orders and the woman looks at me with bewildering eyes, “this is not what I ordered…”, I don’t know how to respond to this and it threw me off, “You had placed a sashimi order madame and this is what it is”, she looks at me and does a gesture as if she was rolling something, “no no no I mean I wanted sushi like REAL sushi from the other restaurants”. She was gesturing a roll, I bet this bitch thinks the California roll is authentic and loved by the Japanese, I apologize and try my hardest not to smack her. She orders a ordinary roll after arguing with me about what “real” sushi is and how it was my mistake. The man was very understanding and seemed to realize that his girlfriend made the mistake and ate the sashimi(no way was I gonna comp that for them).

Don’t get me wrong, I love customers who are knowledgeable and enjoys the finer fish, but when I get someone who thinks that “real” sushi is a godamn California roll, it drives me insane. Just because you watched a Food Network special about Sushi does not make you a food critic, and sure as hell doesn’t give you the right to be a jackass about it. Please if you are gonna go out and explain to your server, what is what then you should go to Panda Express. Your server knows what they are doing and what is what, no need for you to step in and be my teacher, believe me you don’t want to do that.

So the next time you think your gonna try out your newly acquired culinary knowledge, I suggest you read up first before making a complete ass of yourself.

Sincerely

Your waiter today.

What a sudden realization.

The people you work with become an extended form of family outside your biological one due to the fact that you guys see each other plenty, ranging from 6-12 hours, hell even more sometimes and this creates a bond of unity and trust…  Just kidding, usually you hate the people you work with because they rat you out, don’t help, accuse, and just disrespect you in plain sight.  I have made some pretty good friends in my restaurant and I’m glad, though there are some that are just complete assholes who think they deserve more than what they are given and treat everyone as if we we’re lower and inferior to them.  Today I introduce you Ms. Lindsay.

Lindsay is your average 30ish year old woman from America, out of shape, entitled, rude and obnoxious.  She has worked in the restaurant business plenty and that is a big reason why she thinks she is entitled to a higher position(even though she’s just the same status as everyone) and to top that off treats everyone like crap, now you see it’s not that we all hate her, off-course she has her good sides and man is she awesome when she feels the need to be nice but more so than not, she’s a gigantic jerk.  Once she had the audacity to tell the manager to send me home, and her being good friends with the manager, I was indeed sent home.  She also looks down on me and my buddy Adan, treating us like children when she herself can’t operate without the assistance of medication, sure I know I can’t use that against her but just today during the staff meeting, she would interrupt the person currently speaking to voice her own dilemma and this way she extended the meeting time an hour longer than it should have been, and this same night she was having conversations with herself outloud, as everyone was trying to listen.  Now the real issue I have with her is that she really isn’t in to help anyone, sure the smiles and laughs can bring a sense of relief but that is as far as it goes.  She asks us for help yet gives none back and expects us to lend a hand as she kicks us when we are down, and to me this is just wrong.

I’m a very tolerant person, I can take alot of shit and usually keep calm and steady but today I almost lost it, yet I found myself still helping her.  It is probably that lingering feeling of sympathy, sure I say I dislike her but I must feel sorry for her, a life in a downward spiral, blinded by the amounts of alcohol consumed and the superficial people that surrounds her.  I feel bad for her, I’d like for her to take care of herself and find a home somewhere.  Often times you’d hear me say that it’s a dog eat dog world in the service industry, but I guess I’d be lying if I said that I hope she gets fired.

Seeing her makes me see myself and my coworkers in a different light.  We all work for the purpose of money and we all have our reasons, to some their job keeps the sane, to some their jobs give them company and to some their job is their life.  In a sense, Ms. Lindsay’s purpose for working here is to have all 3.

Now I’m not gonna let her take my tables or shaft me from my money, it’s just a realization that struck me.

Lindsay’s not that bad of a person outside these walls, but inside she is completely different.

Before you jump to judge your server, just know that you know nothing about them and why their kissing your ass.

Sincerely,

Your waiter today.